Went Huntin'

Hey there Little Ladies!

Thought you'd heard the last of me didn't ya! Ha-ha-ha (wheeze gag cough).

I just wanted to tell you two effete little Eastern Ladies about what your old mountain man did TOday. I really showed some hunter fellers what's what, that's what, yessiree. You know I'm an trapper kind of mountain man and don't know too much about the old shootin' irons but by jiminy, I showed 'em today!

I met up with a whole crowd of these hunter type honchos and, let me tell you, they was loaded for bear. First we had us some vittles with a couple of holy rollers insistin on prayin' before breakfast (Christ, a man could starve while them-there hunter dudes are still a-cringing and a-thankin and bein' holy as all hell - kind of put me off my feed). Then we mounted up and headed for a ee-stablish-ment where for a dollar you get a bucket of little ol' balls and yer sposed to beat 'em to death with a club. Well THAT was pretty damn easy for an old trapper like yours truly. Afterwards we got roarin' drunk, mounted up again and headed for the happy huntin' grounds.

That's when the fun started. Yessir. These bad-ass hunter joes were talkin trash and in-ti-matin that an old trapper mountain man like yours truly couldn't hit nothin' with one of their macho shotguns lessen it was already dead. Well little ladies, I'm here to tell ya those old boys were dead wrong, dagnabbit. We was huntin a strange kind of bird called a clay pigeon which are bright green and only fly when someone yells PULL! Even then them birds don't fly too far. Specially if I shoot em out of the sky and spread their innards all over kingdom come heh-heh-heh-heh-wheeeeeze! Anyways, we counted how many kills we got and just to be sportin' I let two of those hunter dudes kill a few more than me. But the rest of 'em couldn't shoot them thar pigeons if they flew over and crapped on their gun's muzzle!! Birds flew up, I'd blast em to smithereens, and that's all there is ladies! Those hunter fellers were feelin' mighty less cocky after I showed 'em some mountain man shootin' let me tell you!

Final score:
Mountain Man - 12 out of 25
Couple of hunter dudes - a little more out of 25
Rest of the rough old hunter fellas - not very damn many!

Afterwards, we headed over to another feller's place where we gorged on clay pigeon with all the trimmins, drank up all his whiskey, and it was like old home week. You'd a thought those old hunters and yours truly were blood brothers, yessiree. Hunters are sooo shallow.

Gotta get back to the trappin' now, little ladies.

Yours truly,
Mountain Man

(legacy post from June 3, 2009)